Anomalous Object Entry

AOE-822022 -J — Codename: Patho-gene-city

Anomalous Object Entry

AOE-822022-J

Object Severity

High

Containment Difficulty

High

Containment Status

Uncontained

Containment Specifications

The pathogenecity of AOE-822022-J is currently being investigated, so as to prevent future outbreaks.

Documentational trauma is to be mitigated by the detailed assessment of AOE-82022-J lifecycles and pathophysiology. Discoveries are to be expedited for regular publication of findings. Such papers are to be published in repositories digitally quarantined from affected databases.

Current strategies for combating AOE-822022-J are purely palliative. The anomaly is theorized to either run its course until it dissipates naturally (most likely due to sufficient host resource depletion), or cease with the total death of the afflicted organization.

Documentation containing memetic signatures consistent with AOE-822022-J are to be considered lost, and resigned to any established decommissioning protocols.

Abstract

AOE-822022-J is a conceptual parasite manifesting as the spontaneous vandalization of long-standing databases. Little is understood of AOE-822022-J, but it is known that the severity of vandalism is in direct proportion to the size of the targeted database. Most infections result in the memetic alteration or mutation of foundational concepts inherent to the database, akin to the injection and replication of foreign, deleterious nucleic acids by biological viruses.

Anomalous Properties

AOE-822022-J behaves as if a text-based virulence, or pseudo-cancerous invasion. Once incorporated into the base memetic material of a concept, it proliferates using that concept’s requisite organelles and structural means of distribution. The primary vector for AOE-822022-J spread are databases associated with long-standing, principled institutions.

The first signs that a given database has been colonized by AOE-822022-J is the silent erosion of the ontological and noospheric pillars of an accompanying organization’s intellectual milieu and cultural norms of standardization. This effect at this stage of infection is often sub-clinical and frequently escapes detection until later, more dire stages.

Common initial targets include memetic complexes pivotal to an organization’s continued existence and upkeep, including but not limited to those responsible for forming and upholding:

  • mission statements
  • universal directives
  • personnel codes of conduct
  • research protocols
  • institutional logistics
  • quality assurance metrics

The primary effects of initial phase progress are:

  • the statistical overpowering of native memetic adhesion by AOE-822022-J
  • the over-consumption and irreversible depletion of limited resources
  • the narrowing of future noospheric opportunities
  • a reduction in environmental fitness
  • loss of progressive efficiency
  • the down-regulation of defensive capabilities that would otherwise flag AOE-822022-J activity as undesirable
  • financial and/or reputational insolvency
  • the complete collapse of documentational, and finally organizational, integrity

In opposition to the prodromal attack, advanced infections are readily identifiable. After sufficient inoculation into a given institution’s physio-memetic foundations, AOE-822022-J next targets more corporeal, downstream, and individual entries that comprise the affected database. Text of affected documents become distorted or wholly replaced by inapposite elements, such as malapropos textual passages and mismatched visual inclusions. These elements are conspicuously incongruous with established institutional documentation and their anticipated subject matter.

Teleological analysis of the invasive inclusions suggest an origin point that is not of baseline reality. However to date, there is no definitive etiology of AOE-822022-J, or rationale regarding its function or purpose. It is generally agreed upon that AOE-822022-J does not indicate the existence of any intelligent design. Its emergence is considered adventitious and spontaneous; a matter of blind happenstance — or “bad luck”.

Ostensible effects in documentation spread most readily to proximal entries, both in numerical designation and in chronology, and can continue indefinitely unless properly abated. Damage from AOE-822022-J is not intractable, but only theoretically reversible, and by intensive conceptual rehabilitation.

AOE-822022-J Example Infections:

SCP-7100 (Codename: “At Rainbow’s End”)

Summary: A fledgling researcher is onboarded to anomaly discovery and protocolization, through appended documentation. Rainbows are discovered as having termini, which can be approached and interacted with physically. This leads to the fortuitous discovery of Leprechauns, though far from the classical interpretation one might have of them.

Infection date: 9/20/2022

Post-Mortem: When approaching the initial rainbow terminus, the field team is attacked by General Mill’s Lucky Charms mascot, Lucky the Leprechaun. The O5 Council arrive suddenly and distract the mascot with cereals that have had their marshmallows manually extracted. This allows the field team to egress up the rainbow.

During their escape, half of the team is injured with two killed instantaneously while traveling along the rainbow’s course, by traumatic impact with numerous unidentified high-speed vehicles. Analyzed footage revealed these vehicles to be personal go-karts, each housing a trademarked member of Nintendo’s Mario universe.

Classical, humanoid Leprechauns are depicted throughout the document in place of the insectoid version. However, these do not factor into the central narrative, and exist only peripherally, occasionally repeating lines plagiarized from dialogue between The Avenger’s Tony Stark and Guardian of the Galaxy’s Star Lord.

Additional Notes: All instructions within the entry for writing a believable document have been removed, and replaced by meta-commentary about the authors’ writing process for the “skip”. These primarily take the form of footnotes (totaling 50+), but also exist in floating div boxes interrupting the document, which can have backgrounds of lime green, bright yellow, hot pink, light violet, sky blue, and other colors reminiscent of a pack of highlighters.

The document’s meta-data has been revised to include the title “Somewhere Over the Rainbow, BIIITTTCH!! LET’SA GO MFFFERRR!!!”, and the document now ends with the following statement from a surviving MTF member: “Oh man! Double rainbow! All the way across the sky! (Crying.)”

SCP-1313 (Codename: “Solve for Bear”)

Summary: A specific series of abstract reasonings that results in the physical manifestation of an adult female grizzly bear.

Infection: 01/01/2022

Post-Mortem: Any mention in-document of “SCP-1313” is replaced by “SCP-;3;3”. A lone, floating line of text now introduces the document in a colorful header:

“Solve for seX.”

The “seX” is appended with a database-native footnote function (javascript), which reads the following:

“You can square MY root any day of the week, geek.”

The document is heavily modified so that any manifested adult grizzly bear is sapient, appears in scant lingerie, is of immediate and complete contextual awareness of its surroundings, and is capable of speech in fluent English. The bear then makes flirtatious and suggestive advances at the conjuring Foundation personnel, as opposed to aggressive behaviors.

The main image of the document is replaced by a depiction of Winnie the Pooh. The document contains numerous references to scatology, including testing logs. The document ends with a containment breach caused by over-eager O5 Council members who all simultaneously utilize the anomaly. The final line of the document is now a cross-link to SCP-2875 (Codename: “The Town That Got Fucked By Bears”).

Additional Notes: It should be noted that January 1st, 2022 is when Winnie the Pooh was officially released to the public domain.

SCP-2935 (Codename: “O, Death”)

Summary: An anomalous limestone cave that acts as a traversable, ontologically connective portal between baseline reality and the spatio-temporal manifestation of death.

Infection date: 10/29/2021

Post Mortem: The containment procedures are now struck-through, replaced by a paragraph detailing how objects and items should always be able to “go out” through the cave, but “never, ever in”. Any instance of the word “entrance” in the document is also struck-through, accompanied by the footnote “God intended for this to be an exit-only!”.

The remainder of the document is unscathed, except the end, which features a credential lock. Behind this lock is a caveat that attempting to enter SCP-2935 will result in eternal damnation and “shit getting everywhere”.

Additional Notes: We only just noticed; the document title has been renamed as well, to “Don’t Get Your O’ Fucked by Death”.

SCP-6453 (Codename: “Shit Yeti”)

Summary: The O5 Council accept gift-wrapped boxes of feces from a mythological unidentified humanoid living in the Himalayas.

Infection Date: 02/03/2022

Post Mortem: No changes to the document post-infection.

Additional Notes: It’s clearly infected, yet resisted any alterations or mutations. We’re including this one because it seems to have some sort of immunity that we do not yet understand. Researching this entry may afford some promising leads for a potential cure.

Update: New documentation uploaded to AOE-822022-J infected databases results in a mismatch with any and all input data. The output, formally designated as AOE-822022-J-1 (informally designated “slurry”), is largely random but always comprised of various pop culture references, idioms or slight variations of idioms (thought to likely act as puns when placed in proper context), first- and second-person monologues, voluminous CSS code, and fully-formed document addenda that involve the following characters acting strangely and out-of-character: Drs █████, █████,███████████, ████, ████████, █████, █████, as well as Site Directors █████, ████████, ██████, ████████, and ████. These addenda are fully formed, and average at 11,000 words each.

Update: Databases experience significant remission of AOE-822022-J infection when quantifiable metrics of document attention and engagement, such as citation or discussion counts, are removed. Coding specialists are being recruited to tailor patches for all known affected databases in an effort to combat AOE-822022-J spread.

“We are ready for the challenge. You’ve heard it said that ‘you live & learn’; well a mantra in our organization is ‘you live ON learning’. Or as we like to say it, ‘you LOL’! We will dedicate ourselves to restoring new-LOL-foundations for all afflicted databases.”

— Dr Laci O’Lepps PhD, ThD, MS, FACS, JD, LLC, ASA, BRB, AFK, FACHA, CAE, Esq., CRNP, SCPCRNP, SHRM-SCP, SSCP, APR, ICCM-F, FAcEM, NCPS, SMIEEE, MLS, RPPO, CEH, LL.M., CFI, USMC (Ret., Vet.), USSF, CRE, DVEP, CPTD, CACTS, ABCTE, WAS, ASP, AARP, ARM, ETC, Lead Researcher, Site Director, Global Director, & FOEVerseer

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Lack of Lepers

Lack of Lepers

Separation of confic and state. The SCP Foundation Wiki’s most dedicated and hated critic. Co-founder @ Confic Magazine LLC.