SCP Staff Draft Charter to Guide the Re-Write of Charters

NEWS/OPINION — Actual New Charter Pending

A dedicated number of forward-thinking individuals gather in the echoes of their institution. Propositions, motions, and counter-motions fly and bounce in the historical gravity of the circumstances, evident even now. Their goal: to pen an ultimate guiding document. Definitive, it is to outline the purview and limitations of their own governmental powers, or rather, just how they will write such a document at a later time.

This document will be a sole and central force in equipping generations with necessary instruction and liberty. The language must extend well into the future and be wary of misuse. Most of all, it must make a definitive and clean separation from the past. It must declare independence.

The attempt’s first step tripped over the other foot, and fell flat. And so another attempt was made, with no changes except more clearly communicating to the other foot that it going to try the same step again.

Their document, the Charter needed to later rewrite an old Charter, is now finally complete, and is reproduced below:

O5 Command, March 2022

The unanimous Declaration of the 37,323 members of the SCP Wiki Staff, When in the Course of Staff Events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the judicial rules which have connected them with commonfolx, and to assume among the powers of the SCP Foundation Wiki, the separate and unequal station to which the Laws of WikiDot and of Wikidot’s Broken God Michal Frackowiak entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of peoplekind requires that they — or it, or zir, or its or xyrs, vis or ver, or hir, or faer, or eir, or per, and so on and so forth — should declare the causes which impel them to their ineffable superiority & entitlement.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all SCP Wiki users are not created equal, but that they are endowed by their Staff with certain unalienable bans, that among these are Bigotry, Vehemence, and the pursuit of dog-whistles. — That to secure these rights, Charters are instituted, deriving their just powers from the ignorance and dismissal of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Expectation becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Staff to perpetuate their exemption indefinitely, or to abolish the Accountability, and to institute a New Charter, laying its Foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect the rulers’ Safety and Happiness, Emotional Adolescence, and Superiority.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Charters long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that the SCP Wiki Userbase is more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves or their rulers by abolishing the Injustices to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Staff evinces a design to reduce their credibility under absolute Despotism, it is Staff’s right, it is Staff’s duty, to throw off such Standards, and to provide new Standards for Staff’s future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of this Staff; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Policies and Charter. The history of the present SCP Wiki is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over the act of writing. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

We the Staff have refused our Assent to Policies, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

We have forbidden our Admins to pass Policies of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till their Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, we have utterly neglected to attend to them.

We have refused to pass other Policies for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

We have called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with our measures.

We have dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with nonbinary firmness our invasions on the rights of the users.

We have refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause those in Our Ranks to be disciplined; whereby the O5 Command powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the IRC/Discord at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

We have endeavoured to prevent the population of alternate Communities; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Discord servers.

We have obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing our Assent to Votes for establishing Judiciary powers.

We have made Judges dependent on our Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their Guru Karma.
We have erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass political dissidents, and eat out their substance.

We have kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

We have affected to render the cancel-culture Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

We have combined with others to subject our own users to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our Charter; giving our Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing behavioral Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

For abolishing the free System of -EN Laws in a neighbouring Province (-ES), establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these INT branches:

For taking away old Limits, abolishing old, valuable checks & balances of Power, and altering fundamentally the Forms of the Wiki:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring ourselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

We have abdicated Government here, by declaring different opinions out of our Protection and waging War against them.

We have plundered our reputation, ravaged our Standards, burnt our hubs, and destroyed the authorial sovereignty of the people.

We are at this time transporting large Teams of Staff to complete keep tabs in any and all enemy spaces, promote desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Isolation & Close-Mindedness scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a literary subgenre.

We have constrained other Communities, taken Captive on the high Seas, to bear Arms against us, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

We have excited domestic insurrections amongst us, propagandized our own people, and have endeavoured to bring the proven-correct and accurate criticisms from beyond our frontiers into our comment sections; from the merciless KiwiFarmers, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, s̶e̶x̶e̶s̶ genders and emotional conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have not Petitioned for Redress, not even in the most humble terms: repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Staff whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a writing website, but fuck you anyway.

Nor have others been wanting in attentions to would-be confic brethren. These other confic community members have warned our users from time to time of attempts by Our Legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over them. They have reminded us of the circumstances of their emigration and settlement in their own spaces. They have appealed to our native justice and magnanimity, and they have conjured us by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. We have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity.

We must, therefore, never acquiesce in the necessity, but reinforce our Separation, and hold other Communities, as we hold the rest of anyone who disagrees with us, Enemies in War, in Peace, Subjugates.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the SCP Wiki, in O5 Command, Assembled, appealing to the only example of containment fiction of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good Staff of this Wiki, solemnly publish and declare, That these Staff Members are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent from our own Rules; that we are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Charter we now attempt to rewrite again, and that all political connection between us and the Users, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Subjugate and Dependent States, none have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Communities may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Social Media Apotheosis, we mutually pledge to each other our WikiDot Karma, our Upvotes and, most all, our sacred Charter.